dear you

Dear you, 

life is hard, I just realized recently. To be successful in dunya is hard, but to be successful in akhirat (read: to enter jannah) is even harder. The extent of this hardship had just been registered in my mind this last few years. 

Dear you,

I was daydreaming about us in the future just now. While in the kitchen, helping Mom to prepare the dishes for iftar. I was dreaming of how our house is going to look like, and how I'm going to laugh with your mother as she taught me how to cook your favourite dishes. And when Mom complained about how incapable I am in the kitchen, this made me realize, I am awfully not ready yet to meet you. Yes, you, my future husband, spouse, and lover, I am not ready. There is still a lot to be learnt - from being in the kitchen to being a good muslimah  aspect. To take care of my heart before meeting you is hard, but I'm going to try my best. And when that moment comes, I promise that you will be the first and the last person ever to get a hold on my heart and soul. 

Dear Allah,

thank you for continuing to be there for me. Thank you for giving me the chance to take a peek into the sweet, sweet world of Islam. Thank you for making me wanting it more. Thank you for listening to my rants, day or night. Even when sometimes I forget about You, Allah, You never forget about me and brought me back to Your path, every single time. 

Dear Allah,

I do not know who he is, but please take care of him. Keep his imaan intact and strong towards you, dear Allah, and I pray that you shall keep him safe. I feel that this might be too early to pray for my future husband's wellness, but I'd been advised to do so when I was thirteen, actually, by my English teacher. To quote her, 'It's never too early nor too late to pray'.

Bismillah. Amin.