alexandria, egypt: raya 2017

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm in Alexandria right now, spending two weeks of my free time before my graduation with my sister for Eid. It was quite booooring because I don't go out that much and I was even wondering what's the whole point of me coming here if I'm just going to be cooped up in the room all day long. I'd been here for almost a week and right now I'm feeling down to the bumps. My friends at York seems to have spend a much better time than I did that I might as well had just stayed in York.

Today is Raya day 1, and I went to the students annual raya gathering. A lot of the people there are friendly and nice, greeting me with smiles and such. And then we went home and that's it. I can't believe that I'm saying this but I even got tired of sleeping. I really hate sleeping right now gosh I feel mad just thinking about it. I hate the fact that I did not go back home for Raya too. I hate going back to my village but I guess that it's better that way compared to being cooped up in this house. 

I might be feeling a bit sensitive right now that I get mad for absolutely nothing. Ugh and I really hate this feeling because I don't want to ruin my holiday. But if I have to sleep again in the afternoon tomorrow I might will lose it and run away from this house or something. I'm even tired of watching dramas or any shows right now because I am just feeling restless. The result of my exam had came out and I just get this nervous breakdown every time I think about my possible future. I really do not want to say this because I might jinx myself, but I could see me being unemployed. Getting rejected because of my stupid grade. I have no energy left to think of doing anything else, I wish I can restart things. I wish I can time travel back five years before when I am still undecided on my course and take something that I actually have genuine interest in rather than Chemistry. It's not that I hate Chemistry, it is a pretty fun course but it's not something that I have a genuine and honest interest with. 

To all people out there, when deciding on your course, think loooong and hard. Don't pick on something based on someone else because in the end you are the one who is going to suffer emotionally at least because of it. 

I am scared of the future right now. I am scared if I can get any job with this stupid result of mine. I am scared of disappointing people around me. I am scared of disappointing myself.

I really need to get out of this house soon. And meditate next to the ocean. Yes that'll help me to think straight again. 

mother's day 2017

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today's Mother's Day, and apparently I'm one of those people that was only alerted to these kind of days through social media. As I scrambled to find a picture of me with my mom, many thoughts ran through my head. There are happy moments, but there are unhappy moments too.

My mom is not perfect. She is far from it. She made many mistakes, forgetting to do certain things and ignored certain others. She could never remember how to print or scan things for her school works for example, and I would be taken away from my tv shows to repeat the things that I had taught her the day before. I grew up wishing that my mom would be better, criticising her on things that I thought she could improve on. I blamed her for a lot of things, thinking that she's an adult (more than me) so she should 'know'. I was still a child, so I thought that I can be excused for my mistakes because I am still learning. I was essentially, arrogant towards her.

But I was forgetting that as I am learning how to be a good daughter, my mom was also learning on how to be a mother. For heaven's sake, nobody was born to be a mother. As I kept remembering what I thought to be her weaknesses, I overlooked her strength. How she never fails to wake up the earliest every morning (except that one time, and everyone basically went to work and school late 😂). How she took everything that I wanted to eat seriously ("Didn't you say you want this soya bean yesterday?"). How she would embarrass me by flaunting my achievements to the people who would listen (I was ketua kelas in sekolah rendah. SEKOLAH RENDAH). And how she would fuss over me when I was sick, making sure that I took my medicine and telling me off when I tried to act as if I was sick much longer that I should. Little by little, I realised how much effort my mom made in order to be a mother to us, and it only took 20+ years though. 

I used to think that I prefer my dad more cause he's the cool and calm one in the family (basically he doesn't get angry at us). But now my mom's the one that I'm most comfortable with telling things and I usually have frustrating silent moments with my dad instead (I still love you dad please don't disown me).

I would never say that my mom's a perfect mother. But to me, she's already perfect herself, and that is more than enough to us.

Happy mother's day to all moms! <3 And to my mom, I love you!!

the end is near

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I can't believe that it had been more than a year since my last post. A lot had happened and I'm now in my third year of this undergrad journey. I'd submitted my fyp (final year project) report and am currently on Easter break. Alia and Namys are currently in London attending career fair and interviews whilst Raihan and I are stuck in York for now.

So yesterday we decided to take a walk around the Museum Garden while having some ice cream, and coincidentally we met three girls from Sheffield. We started talking to them and ended up taking them around York, showing them the cute Crumbs Cupcakery and the delicious milkshakes from Milkshack. The cool thing is they invited us to hang out with them in Sheffield and to show us the abundant foodddd that they have! Raihan and I might visit Sheffield next week insyaAllah!

My final exam is around next month and I can't believe that how fast time flies. It feels like yesterday I had just arrived in York and we were staying at that Kexby house. Now we are all third years worrying about our future, while living at Hull road next to our in-constant-drunkenness landlady Mrs. Kelly. I met a lot of amazing people in UK and gained a lot of beautiful experience here. The happiness, sadness, feeling of frustration, anger, joy; everything was mashed up into this whirlpool of adventure that I cherished and won't forget. I still have two months left to hold the title of a 'student', and I will most definitely miss it. But for now, I am excited to step into the next stage in life, the career life. 

York might not be the optimum city for a student to live in (bloody expensive, and halal food is a privilege), but I definitely love it. It is definitely beautiful and amazing, especially if the weather is sunny. The buildings are gorgeously vintage and the people are kind. I will definitely miss the bus system here, the grocery delivery and Poundland shop. My last winter here (for now) had been amazing, and I will miss the gorgeous winter attire. The coats, boots and scarves are sooo cute! 

It is not the end yet but I am already starting to say goodbye. I am still here but I am already missing this place. The next journey is exciting but terrifying, and I am ready to move on but the comfort of the current familiar routine beckons me to stay. All in all, life goes on and I guess there is no point in holding on to the shadow of memories when the adventure continues. 

first ramadhan in york

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm nervous. 

Tomorrow is our first day of Ramadhan, and I'm not going through it at the comfort of my home, but here in York. Raihan's flight back to Malaysia was yesterday and I envy her so much. It was unfortunate that Chemistry department still had lots going on till this week, and I'm going to have my end of the term supervisor meeting with Peter tomorrow. So Namys and I literally just can't go back yet. Poor Alia though. She's practically done, but her flight's on the same day as ours though hers is a bit earlier than our flights.

This will be the first time for me to fast for 17 hours. It was frightening to think about, but when isn't it something that the Muslims here in UK had been going through for their lifetime? They're admirable; those Muslims living in UK. Now I appreciate Malaysia even more gosh.

I haven't started packing yet although my flight is in five days time. Namys is practically done with hers, ages ago, and Alia had started to pack yesterday. And for some reason, going back home terrifies and excites me at the same. Will things still be the same? 

malaysian in york, uk

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It's been about seven months now that I had made this York city as my second home. My experience may not value as much as the older students or even the postgraduates but I just would like to share my experience living here in York for now.

I remembered how I first set my eyes upon this small city. It really is beautiful compared to other cities in England as it had preserved its old buildings. The people are friendly and will always lend a helping hand when you asked them. 

I stayed in a four-bedroom house, shared with my three other housemates. Three of them are my classmates back in KMS and another one is from INTECH whom we met through mutual friend. Particularly for my house, the rent is different according to rooms. The two smallest bedrooms are the cheapest, with GBP 350 per month. My bedroom is the second biggest and I paid GBP 380 per month while the largest bedroom in our house is the most expensive with GBP 410 per month. These only include the water bill and not the internet or gas bill. Basically our house is pretty expensive for students as you can get around GBP 280 - GBP 300 per month in York. Relative to other cities, York's house rent is a bit more expensive. 

But although our house is expensive, it is pretty close to the university. Walking to my Chemistry department took about 15 - 20 minutes walk while my housemates who took Biotechnology only needs about 5 minutes walk. There are students that cycle to the uni and I had always wanted to but never got the opportunity to buy one. 

For Chemistry, we will have a full lab day every Monday from 9 am to 4 pm. They are really strict about lab safety so you are not allowed to be in the lab without lab coat, googles and rubber gloves which are provided for the students for free. We are also given our own workspace (which are shared with another student who has their lab on another day) so the students does not have to share the apparatus and materials, unlike my KMS days. 

Lectures vary from term to term. I usually will have a free day on Tuesday, lectures for Wednesday and Thursday are from 9 am to 12 pm while Friday is our full lecture day as our lectures last from 10 am to 4 pm. The schedule changes every now and then as sometimes lectures are cancelled and such. Apart from that, Chemistry students are divided into colleges for tutorials for specific subjects are conducted. Usually there are about 20 to 25 students for every college and the name of my college is Woodward College. In every college, the students are further divided into tutorial groups, composed of 4 - 5 peoples which will have tutorials with a lecturer for almost every week for different subjects.

My tutorial group is pretty diverse as we have a student from Lithuania, another from Pakistan, and two other students are English, apart from me, a Malaysian. 

Lunch break is usually from 1 pm to 2 pm. Namys (my housemate and coursemate) and I usually will head to the prayer room where we will have our Zohor prayer and lunch. There are several prayer rooms provided in the university which made life easier for us as the biggest prayer room is two blocks away from Chemistry department. 

There is Malaysian Society for Malaysian students in the uni which provides opportunity for us to mingle with other Malaysians. Since our number is pretty small, we are a bit tight-knit community and know each other pretty well. 

I might write more on another topic about living in York next time!

immature

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today I had a supervisor meeting with Peter. As usual he asked me questions such as, 

"How are you coping with the lectures?" 

"How's living in York for you?" 

"Do you still like York?" 

"You do? Really?"

He then gave me back my NMR exam paper, and I scored 12/15 which is equivalent to 80%. Perhaps because I didn't squeal in joy or something that he asked me why I am not happy with my mark.

"Well, a full score will be nice." I joked. I mean, I half-joked.

"Well that's a bit greedy. Your marks seems fine," he grinned. 

For some reason I felt taken aback by his reply. I realised that I forgot to be thankful first for my marks before reflecting on how I should work harder next time.

"To get a better mark, you just have to work a bit harder. That's my advice."

For some reason, this sentence reminds me of my parents. I remembered how mom used to remind me to focus on my study every time I called her and the gentle way my dad usually gives me advices.

It felt stupid, because I suddenly started to tear up. Thankfully our meeting is over and I managed to control my feelings before I started to bawl all over in Peter's office. That would be absurd and embarrassing. 

On my way home, I saw a Muslim family taking a walk. The parents were walking side by side while talking and laughing while their three boys were chasing each other while shouting with joy. The mother smiled and gave me salam quietly while I walked past her.

And that made me tear up again. 

So I filled my head with sad songs en route home, missing my parents more and more. A boy walked past me and I scoffed at him while thinking how glad he must be to walk home where his parents will be there. Perhaps there will be his sisters and brothers. Maybe suddenly his grandparents are there too, visiting. 

"Hey kid. You must be so happy," I yelled at him in my head, feeling more immature than ever.

When I arrived back at our house, I snapped back to reality as I realised that I am still surrounded by good people here. Sure, my parents and siblings are not here but I have my friends and I am sure that they are feeling the same thing. Breaking down is not going to change anything and I better make the most of this journey while I am here.

Dear mom and dad, I missed both of you so much. Stay strong and please be healthy always. Please continue to pray for us because I believe that it was because of your love that I managed to be here.

I'll call both of you tomorrow, inshaAllah. 

the day we discussed darwin

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. 

Without realising it, it had been four months since I first landed on this island of England. Within four months, a lot had happened and a lot of things had changed. But if there's one thing that I am absolutely sure about is how blessed I am day to day. 

Today while having a break outside of the lab I (accidentally) heard a group of students discussing about faith in God. Taking interest, I quietly eavesdroop while pretending to skim through the procedure of the experiment for that day. 

Basically, what one of them were saying was that how he believes that God did not care about him at all. "To care means to have feelings just like a human being and if God actually cares, then why there are suffering and all?" One of the girls (who is my lab partner) rebutted that "if God did not care then what is the point of Him to create beings?" 

He just shrugged and concluded that "we will never know". 

Obviously their debate lasts much longer than three sentences but listening in to them made me realise of how much a person needs God in his life as guidance. I remembered when my housemates and I with our kakak usrah discuss the theory of evolution by Darwin. What saddens us is everything is how they view religion and science as separate things when Islam shines during the Dark Ages for the West with all the discoveries in science and technology. It is a great example of how science and religion go hand in hand and how religion can answer the ethical issues faced by the current scientists nowadays. 

I'm a bit scared of discussing this issue as I realised that I lack so much in terms of knowledge about this. But this made me realise of how desperately we need a prominent figure to represent the Muslims in the science field to refute not just the Darwin theory, but also to show that we can contribute to the development of science of mankind while still believing in one true God.

changes

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Do you know that moment when you were talking to someone that you met again after years and realised that the person had changed? It felt like talking to a whole new other individual, someone that you barely knew. This made you proceed with caution for it felt truly unfamiliar.

I realised that today many things had changed, and it was not only the person I was talking with. I - with a certain degree - had changed as well. Which I hope is in a good way. Suddenly we ran out of topics to talk about because we haven't met in a while. We met completely different groups of people and experienced completely different things. And we couldn't explain that to each other. 

He told me that he planned to get engaged. 

"Kalau boleh nak cepat-cepat. Sebab aku takut dengan zina hati. Aku pun tak tau macam mana nak buat ni hmmm."

His words felt like a slap for I haven't heard that phrase in a while now. "Zina hati". The phrase that kept being reminded to us back in my KMS days. The sneakiest of all zina for we couldn't completely control it but it doesn't mean that there's nothing that we can do about it.

Today I prayed for my friend. I prayed that if that girl is the best for him, then may Allah ease everything for both of them and protect them from fitnah. 

People say that you should pray to be a better person in order to get a good spouse as early as possible. But then had we ever prayed that we will become a better child to our parents? For our current responsibility is towards them and not towards the currently non-existent spouse. 

May Allah guide our frail hearts in this temporary world. Amin.

stepping on

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today, with the release of the IB result, marked the end of an important phase in my life. A phase I did not even want to be a part of initially, but of course Allah knows better. Alhamdulillah. 

Without my mum, I would not even be here today. She's the one who encouraged me to take up the challenge of IB programme in the first place though I did not want to. Since my older sister is an alumni of the programme, the first advice that she gave me was that 'do not take IB'. 

But Allah knows better. 

I had always wanted to study in UK. Perhaps it was due to my obsession with Harry Potter or something, but UK had always fascinated me. Not to mention they have the coolest English accent ever. But knowing that I have to take up medic to study in UK discouraged me in the first place. And I finally settled with having New Zealand as my country of choice though I was not as excited and eager. 

But Allah knows better. 

I went to KMS for one sole purpose only, because of my parents. Because they wanted me to. I remembered how I was angry and mad at them. I wasn't happy at all with this choice, since teaching isn't exactly what I like to do. I remembered thinking that my life is ruined the day I registered. 

But Allah knows better.

And now, I can happily say that I'm an IB survivor and that I am glad that I'm one of them. I'm completely satisfied and happy with my result though it may be not as good. But I did it! I freaking did it! I'm not entirely sure of my feelings right now, as it was a bit happy and sad mixed in a big bowl of confusing stuff. But if there's one thing I'm sure of, it is that I'm ready for this next step. 

Bring it on, York University :)

this journey

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ever since I was a kid I'd always dreamt of travelling around the world. 

On my own, pulling my suitcase as I walked through an alley that smells like memories. There will be a camera hung around my neck as I frantically looked at the map in my hand, trying to figure out the way to my destination. 

I'll meet the natives of that place and they'll gladly show me the way to the nearest B&B where I'll be greeted by the owner with such warmth and kindness that melts away all the feeling of tiredness. 

During the late afternoon, I'll go to the harbour with my camera in hand and look at the sunset. The sound of the waves crashing into the wall of the harbour will make me forget all my worries in the world. The soft and cool evening breeze will caress my face gently, taking away all my troubles with it.

During the night, I'll go out to have a drink in the town where I'll meet more friendly people and we'll talk and laugh all day. Then I'll be invited to go to their houses to have a chat with their families. I'll tell them about Malaysia and my hometown, Kuching while they'll suggest great venues for me to visit in their town. 

It will be late at night when I finally got back to my B&B. As I walk down the quiet street, the stars were shining brightly, filling the night sky with their pretty light. And it was such an amazing view because the stars were a bit different from the ones at home. 

As I lay down in my bed at the B&B, I stared at the outside night sky through the window, while feeling excited for tomorrow that I could not sleep. And I finally did while listening to the croaking of the frogs and crickets as they greeted the night. 

I'd journeyed to a few places in my 19 years of living. But now I realized that the best journey of all is the journey back to my home. 

for you, whom i love

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

You might feel the pain right now. You might want to give up. But know that it is alright to feel the pain, and it is going to be alright in the future. 

Because everyone deserves happiness. And everyone will attain it as long as they have faith in God. And I know that you're one of them.

You're strong. Your strength had caused inspiration to many others. You believe that you shall chase after your own dreams, and you always do, and I admire you for that. You always tried to chase after what you want, and it is okay to do so. Because I can never do that. 

Perhaps sometimes, I will. But right now I still haven't reached the point of being able to wear my heart on the sleeve and tell the world what I felt and feel with sincerity. I mashed it all inside me, and they're unable to escape. Perhaps and hopefully one day it will, but not right now. 

So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah is true: nor let those shake thy firmness, who have (themselves) no certainty of faith. 
[Qur'an 30:60]

Never regret the decision that you made. For I know that you believe that God knows better, and He had carved your path with such beauty that is impregnable by our minds and knowledge. God's plan is always bigger so the best that we can do is to have faith in His plans. 

Follow thou the inspiration sent unto thee, and be patient and constant, till Allah do decide: for He is the best to decide.
[Quran 10:109]

Your act of courage shouldn't be treated with shame, but with pride. You had done what most of the people couldn't do, including myself. Although the result might not come as what you wished, remember that the pain that it caused you had just made you into a better person. 

Besides, true happiness can only be felt by people who had experienced the deepest pain.

“And We created everything in pairs that perhaps you might take heed.” 

[Sûrah al-Dhâriyât: 49] 

Believe that Allah has a  better plan.

Believe that Allah has a grander plan for everyone.

Believe that Allah has the perfect plan for you.

“Those who believe, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” 
[Surah Ra’d 13:28]

This is for you, whom I love. With my prayer that Allah wills that you will keep your strength, for I believe that you never lose it in the first place. 

stopping by woods on a snowy evening

umar ibn al-khattab

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm feeling pretty 'historic' today. Aiman, my little brother is giving us constant updates on the contents of the books that he's reading. You know, the Islamic warriors series by Abdul Latip Talib (PTS). Great author.

Anyway, when I told him that I will buy him anything that he wanted to when we were in KL last week, he immediately chose three of those books to add to his collection. I was surprised at first, for I thought that he would surely want a new football of something, but I'm pleased. It's nice that he finally has a quiet hobby for a change.

Anyway, the point is I want to talk about my favourite caliph and Rasulullah's best friend (imagine that! being the great rasul's best friend!), Saidina Umar Ibn Al-Khattab. He's one of the companions that's been guaranteed the ticket to Heaven (imagine that too!) and he's one of the bravest men known. Even the shaytan is afraid of him.

Ibn `Abbas, may Allah be pleased with both of them (i.e. Ibn `Abbas and his father `Abbas), said: The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'There is no angel in the heaven that does not respect `Umar, and no shaytan on the earth but that he is afraid of `Umar.'

Respect.

"Conversion of Hazrat ‘Umar strengthened Islam. Hitherto, Muslims had lived in constant fear of disbelievers, and most of them were concealing their faith. The Muslims were now able to offer their Salat (ritual prayers) publicly. When Hazrat ‘Umar became a Muslim he declared his faith openly before the Quraish chiefs. No one dared harm him. 

Then he requested the Prophet (SAW) to offer Salat in the Ka'bah. On getting the consent of the Prophet (SAW) , Hazrat ‘Umar led a party of the Muslims to it. Hazrat Hamzah , who had accepted Islam a few days before Hazrat ‘Umar carried another party of the Muslims to the Ka'bah. When all the Muslims gathered in the Ka'bah they offered their Salat in congregation. The Prophet (SAW) led this first public Salat in the history of Islam. For this courageous and bold action of Hazrat ‘Umar the Prophet (SAW) gave him the title of "al-Faruq" i.e., the one who makes a distinction between Haqq (Right) and Batil (Wrong).

When the Muslims were ordered to migrate to Medina, most of them left Mecca quietly and secretly, but Hazrat ‘Umar declared it openly. He put on his arms and first went to the Ka'bah. After performing the Salat he announced loudly: “I am migrating to Medina. If anyone wants to check me, let him come out. I am sure that his mother would cry for his life.” There was no man in Mecca to accept the challenge of Hazrat ‘Umar ."

If that doesn't give you the chills, I wouldn't know what would.

Someone said to Abu Bakr during his (last) illness, 'What will you say to your Lord, when you have appointed `Umar?' He said, 'I will say to Him, "I have appointed over them the best of them."

Not to mention that this great caliph has some serious amazing quotes.

"Umar Ibn Al-Khattab said: "Do not be fooled by one who recites the Quran. His recitation is but speech - but look to those who act according to it."

—  [Al-Khatib, Iqtida Al-'Ilm Al-'Amal, no 109]

"‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab said: “Do not put off today’s work until tomorrow, lest work accumulate and you achieve nothing."

—  [Munaaqib Ameer Al-Mu’mineen, by Ibn Al-Jawzee, p.129]

"We used to say that this Ummah will be doomed by knowledgeable hypocrites."

— ‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab (radiAllaahu ‘anhu) [Al-Wilaayah ‘Alaa Al-Buldaan, 1/142]

"‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab would write to his governors during his caliphate and say: “The most important of your affairs in my view is prayer; whoever prays regularly has protected his faith, but whoever neglects it, is bound to be more negligent in other issues of faith."

— [At-Taareeqah Al-Hakamiyah, p. 240]

"By Allah, besides Whom there is no other god, if I had all the gold and silver in the world, I would pay it to avoid the terror of what comes after death."

— 'Umar ibn Al Khattab (radiAllaahu 'anhu) [Saheeh At-Tawtheeq Fee Seerat Wa Hayaat Al-Faarooq, p. 383]

"The happiest of people is the one under whose care people are happy because of him, and the most miserable of people is the one under whose care people are miserable because of him."

— Umar ibn Al Khattab (radiAllaahu ‘anhu) [Manaaqib ‘Umar, by Ibn Al-Jawzee, p.130]

"Jibrael (alayhi sallam) came to me and said, ‘Convey greeting to Umar and say to him his satisfaction is wisdom and his anger might.’"

— Messenger of Allaah (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) [Al-Tabrani in Kabir, (Vol. 10, Page 207, Hadith 12302)]

"Do not mix with with an arrogant person lest he influences you with his contumelies. Never trust such a person with your secret, and ask advice only from the God-fearing people."

— Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radiAllaahu anhu) [Hilyat-ul Awliya] 

"When one’s intention is sincere, Allaah (jalla wa alla) will suffice his needs, protect him, and guide him in his dealings with the people. However, if one adorns himself to please the people in this world, only Allaah knows what ends awaits him in the hereafter."

— Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radiAllaahu anhu) [Hilyat-ul Awliya]

"Go easy on yourself because the destinies of all matters are in Allaah’s Hand. Those that he has thwarted can never come to you just as those that he has commanded can never be thwarted."

— Umar ibn Al-Khattab [Baihaqi in his Asmaa wa Sifaat (pg. 243)

"Patience is the healthiest ingredient of our life"

— Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radiAllaahu anhu) [Hilyat-ul Awliya]

"If I desire comfort in this world, I would harm my lasting comfort in the hereafter, and if I desired the hereafter, I must renounce comfort in this world, and hence, I decided to give up the ephemeral. Therefore, if you find the same, then it is surely better for you to endure a little discomfort in this life."

— Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radiAllaahu anhu) [Hilyat-ul Awliya]

"Mix with those who have patient, for their hearts are the softest."

— Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radiAllaahu anhu) [Abu Na’im, Hilyat-ul-Awliya]

Who will be the next Umar?

4th november

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

pretty cupcakes are good :)

It was Mum's birthday yesterday, so my sister and I planned a surprise birthday cupcakes delivery for her. The cupcakes were to be delivered in the late evening so I planned to only call her then. So I deliberately did not wish her in the morning as I used to, and she got a little bit annoyed. She then gave me a call in the afternoon.

Mum : Are you out of credit?

Me : Umm no.

Mum : So I was wondering why didn't you wish me early in the morning like you used to?

Me : *stammers* ....because I wanted to wish you during the night?

Mum : Why? 

Me : ....because...night's a great time to wish someone! (Such an idiotic excuse)

Mum : I don't get it...

Me : Alright, happy birthday mum!

So my own mother kinda spoiled the surprise I prepared for her, but thankfully I managed to wriggle my way out of that one by rambling about my final exam. Of course, that launched an entirely different kind of conversation.

Mum : Now don't you forget to start your revision early. Focus during class and stop playing around. Limit the amount of time with internet. And for God's sake try not to fall asleep during the lectures!

That was of course, a bit exaggerated. My mum will never say 'for God's sake'. But it added a bit of flair to the dialogue and everyone knows I love to exaggerate stuff.

Anyway, turns out that the surprise worked! Mum was suprised at the delivery so she's happy, I'm happy, everyone's happy, alhamdulillah :)

She called after the cupcakes were delivered to express her happiness, and told me how she thought that I actually forgot her birthday, and complained to Dad, who knew about my plan.

Mum : I wonder why didn't Ana wish me like she used to.

Dad : Now don't you think badly of her.

Mum : It's not that. Maybe she doesn't have any credit that she didn't call. If she didn't then she should have told us, so that I can go and buy some. I mean, why didn't she say anything.

Dad : Don't worry about it. You might get more than a birthday wish later.

Mum : Yeah but I want our children to remember their parents' birthdays...

Heh I just love how my mum was annoyed with me. But I wish that I could see the expression on my mother's face when she received the cupcakes.

this is love

For the last time, happy birthday mum! <3

changes

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Change is hard, but it is not impossible. Day by day we are faced with so many changes and there are just so many decisions to make. Our guide? Back to Allah and Rasul.

Once in a while you may trip and fall. You may suddenly revert back to the way you used to be. You may at one moment felt lazy to do jamaah at the surau or masjid. You may one day find it hard to open up the Quran. Instead, you prefer to dwell in all the dunya stuff. All those fantastic movies in your laptop just waiting to be watched and enjoyed.

The sound of adhan reverberates, disturbing the stillness of the air. But you still stay at your spot, unable to move. Or is it because you don't want to? Or is it because of your nafs? Shaytaan?

"Just a little bit more..."

As a human, it is okay to err. Making mistakes and stumbles are perfectly normal for a human in order for them to become stronger. Stronger in the sense of their imaan, and eagerness to give to Allah. Stronger in facing their daily battle with nafs and shaytaan. Stronger in going against the tide of hedonism that seems to be engraved in the hearts of the people nowadays.

Be strong for Islam.

For what matters is, you have to get back up. I have to get back up. And preferably, take someone's hand while you're at it. Be it your family of friends. Make sure that you're not going to stand up alone. And there's so many ways you can go back to Him. (Attending Islamic lectures is one of my favourite ways of trying to get back up. I feel blessed that here in KMS, there will be talks given by the seniors or ustaz between the Maghrib and Isha' prayer. And if there isn't one, the YouTube is always a great alternative.)

May Allah gives us all strength. Amin.

london

London

BY WILLIAM BLAKE

I wander thro' each charter'd street,

Near where the charter'd Thames does flow. 

And mark in every face I meet

Marks of weakness, marks of woe.

In every cry of every Man,

In every Infants cry of fear,

In every voice: in every ban,

The mind-forg'd manacles I hear 

How the Chimney-sweepers cry

Every blackning Church appalls, 

And the hapless Soldiers sigh

Runs in blood down Palace walls 

But most thro' midnight streets I hear

How the youthful Harlots curse

Blasts the new-born Infants tear 

And blights with plagues the Marriage hearse 

PS: My sister sent me the first stanza of this poem, though slightly altered to include Holmes, which is freaking adorable of her. 

i'm 19!

Like, whoa.

flowers that bloom when shaken

Where is the flower that blooms without shaking?
Any of the beautiful flowers of this world
all bloom while being shaken
They shake on stems that grow upright
Where is the love that goes without shaking?
Where is the flower that blooms without being soaked?
Any of the shining flowers of this world
bloom as they are soaked
Soaked by wind and rain, petals bloom warmly
Where is the life that goes without being soaked?

Do Jong-Hwan

when they asked me about aurah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I am currently spending my five-day-holiday in Pasir Gudang, Johor, at my aunt's house. It was lovely to spend the holiday with your family, especially if it involves two adorable little cousins that never stops talking and asking questions.

and there is no sharp image of these kids for they just couldn't stay still

It was 10 pm and my uncle had finally gotten off work. I quickly ran upstairs to grab my tudung, an act that definitely caught the two's interest.

"Kak Na, kenape lari naik atas?"

"Nak pakai tudung"

"Kenape?"

"Sebab ayah kamu dah sampailah."

"Kalau ayah kak na dah sampai kak na pakai jugak ke?"

"Kalau ayah sendiri tak payah pakai."

"Kenape pulak macam tu?"

How am I supposed to explain the concept of aurah to a 3-year-old? They don't understand, and at the same time you feel inclined to tell them; explaining everything to them in the hope that it will become part of their nature to cover their aurah later.

Dear Syafiqah and Kira,

I believe that both of you will not ever read this, but believe that this is sincere from me. I pray that both of you will grow up to be good muslimahs, and make Islam as your deen (way of life). To always respect and love your parents and pray for them always. To always strive to be a better person, and to always chase the akhirah. 

I pray that Allah will keep both of you on His path, forever.

Ameen!

Jabir ibn 'Abdullah reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Anyone who has three daughters and provides for them, clothes them and shows mercy to them will definitely enter the Garden." A man from the people said, "And two daughters, Messenger of Allah?" He said, "And two."

cec

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

All journey must come to an end. Including this one.

You know that it is a great team when you actually feel sad when all of it is over.