I Expect Too Much From This

Alright, maybe I'm just tired, but I'm feeling a little bit touchy-feel-kinda-feel right now.

I want to be a good friend. I really do. And it's important to me cause I love them. All the girls. But then ever since I went into KMS and we went our separate ways, I just feel like I'm drifting further and further apart from them. I fully realize that it has been my fault for not contacting them and stuff, but what am I supposed to do (during my first sem) when my only source of internet is the slow KMS wifi? And I particularly care about money because I don't have much of it so I rarely text them.

But it made me feel guilty when they contacted me first, or texted me first. Because I seem to forget them. But I really don't, seriously. And it saddened me when they manage to have a get-together, tweet each other, and tell stories about each other. They get updated with each other's life and times, and here I am feeling excluded from all of that.

So I want to apologize. I am sorry if I didn't contact you guys and everything. I am sorry that I didn't know stuff. I'm sorry if I seemed like I didn't care, but seriously, I dislike the technology method of communicating. All the assignments are seriously making me busy and focused on studying that I didn't even thought of contacting you guys. I didn't even call home to say hi. And blame me when I finally did thought to contact, that I expected enthusiastic replies. Forgive me, seriously from expecting too much when I did so little.

Happy Birthday Miss Atiqa!

Alright, I know the title sounds cheesy, but hey- nothing's wrong with being cheesy with your own sister. Extra points if it's her birthday. 

your other birthday. no date though

So I shall dedicate this entire post to you, sis, because it's your 21st birthday. Oh God. How fast are we growing up? It feels like it was only yesterday that we are playing and quarrelling together in Miri. Ah, good old Miri. Our childhood town. 

Nurul Atiqa Askan (on the right) - 5 years old

Hey, remember how we used to play that 'cooking show' together. We will act out as if we're hosts of a cooking show. Both of us, Chef Eka and Chef Ana. Not to mention that all the episodes consist of us making instant noodles only. Both of us will jump from underneath the stove, talking to the invisible audience and the cameras in front of us that aren't there... I'm cringing in embarrassment right now just thinking about it. I must say that we have such creative minds hahaha.

Remember how mum used to buy us dresses and shoes (and even hats!) of the same colours and designs? We will wear them happily like people with no fashion sense at all. It's kinda cute when I think about it lol. Remember how we quarrelled over that purple hat? Let me just say that it really is MY hat and I even have pictures to prove it but you refuse to accept the fact that the blue one is yours. But look how much we care about that now.

Remember how you introduced that Running Man craze to me and Azeema? Both of us are caught in that web of doom forever now, thank you very much. Not to mention even lil' Aiman is getting addicted. Oh God.

the future doctor of Malaysia! ...I sound like a parent *cringe*

Remember how you won that Pertandingan Sajak and became the representative for Miri division? We're so proud of you at that time. The videos are still there, you know. 

Remember how you got mad at me and we didn't speak for nearly a week because I didn't help you with the chores. Boy, was I scared at that time. But my ego kept my head held high and how funny it is for me now because well, it really was my fault. But you're just plain scary when you're mad, sis. 

remember how you broke that table?

Remember Brunei? Remember Mr. Brown's coffee? Remember the journey by dad's car back and fro between Miri and Kuching? Remember how we used to stop at that one special stop-place-thingy and ate burgers?

Remember how you told me your password? The thought of it still tickles me hahaha

Remember how we used to talk about you and Azeema opening up Askan Clinic (yeah- cause our dad has the coolest name in the whole world) and both of you will watch me (as the host for Rasa Halal, reporting from Korea) and Aiman as the handsome professional football player, earning millions, from the TV? That.... was a fantastic dream. At least for me. It could be your future though. I'm praying for you.

awesome pic

So, last but not least, Happy 21st, sis :)

p.s. :- Remember how mum used to complain that you took too many pictures of other people and too little pictures of yourself? It really was hard for me to find a decent stand-alone picture of you. Blergh.

p.p.s :- now you should remember how hard it is for me to find all those pictures, and not to mention the Editing, the Uploading, the Typing, the Posting...

Damai Beach Resort!

So I'd spent last weekend at Damai Beach Resort with my family. There's this Kastam Family Day thingy, which I just couldn't care about because I'm anti-social like that. I managed to escape from joining the games by cycling around the resort, which I believe is a ton more fun than the colouring contest that I'm supposed to do. Just thinking about it made me shiver in disbelief, and a whole pie of embarrassment. I had fun playing at the beach though. I believe that we're *this* close in persuading my mum to join us playing in the water. My dad is the real sport in this kind of thing, so he accompanied us while my mum was content watching us from afar.

Tried editing a digital photo using PSD for the first time

us siblings :)

Aiman just *had* to be annoying

Chinese food dinner at Fisherman's Catch

To my big sister in Alexandria right now, your presence there would have made our two-days-one-night trip complete.

Weekend in KL

Such a lucky girl I am when my good buddy, Azri invited me and Mai to spend our weekend in KL with his family. Me gusta.

Another good news is I finally got my Sem 1 allowance from MARA. Yayay. But the downside is I didn't have any experience with cheque deposit business, and foolishly deposited the cheque on Friday evening. Smart move, girl. Now I have to wait until Wednesday at least, before I finally could breath again. Which means that I'm spending my weekend here, penniless ....err, ringgitless.

But that's okay, because the main reason I'm down here in KL is because I want to spend some time with my good friend, not shopping.

Maybe.

I'm Young! (and Free)

When we were young the world seemed so old

Careless and cold

We did what we were told in our lives

When we were young

Had the world by the tail, good would prevail, starships would sail

And none of us would fail in this life

Not when you're young

We were drawn to whoever could keep us together

And bound by the heavens above

And we tried to survive

Travelling at the speed of love

Someone once told me, just because I'm still young; it doesn't mean that I can escape from all the responsibilities entrusted to me. Right now, I'm carrying such a huge burden over my shoulders that sometimes I wondered if I ever can do the job right. Once I even felt scared and wished that the burden was not there.
But it is the heavy stone that I'm carrying over my back that is pushing me forward. It taught me the power of struggling over hardship with faith that it's going to be okay in the end. It reminded me that if I can't carry this stone and give up, the next one will be much harder and it's going to be hell.
It made me realized that I must be strong. No compromise. No exceptions.
You just have to deal with it. 

In a moment of grace

A long leap of faith

There's still more glorious dawn awaits my life

I'm here with the lover

Then we burned the bridges we're crossing over

Just to see the firelight

And the innocent are getting over being old tonight

"When We Were Young" - Take That

Study Mode [ On ]

Raya holiday is now over and I'm back at this place which I now call my second home. 

I still remember how excited I was on the plane back to Sarawak, while thinking about how I'm going to spend the two weeks holiday studying and finishing my homework. I already imagined myself in my room, revising my Chemistry while my parents looked from afar proudly and with tears in their eyes.

And when I arrived at KMS two days ago, I was dragging my luggage that contained my unfinished homework. So never count the chickens before they hatch.

One of the auras that I get at KMS is that it can turn a lazy person like me into a hardworking student that actually finished her homework early. 

aku perasan ada macbook

Study mode is now switched on!

I Miss Le Olde Days

I haven't touched my piano in a while now, that I can't believe that my fingers still remember the game. 

Well, there are a few mistakes and stumbles here and there, but what never changes is the joy I felt while playing it, as if I couldn't believe that lovely sound of music came from my own hands.

I'm just an amateur and I'm this happy, that I wonder how will I feel when I'm actually a pro one day.

Which might never happen. I suck at practising.