Jealousy

Today I decided to finally start with my Biology presentation, since it is not fun to do your homework assignment after Raya. There is a favourite spot at home where I usually did my works. It is at the very front part of my house, that used to be the verandah, but now had been walled in. The light is brilliant here, and the breeze is masyaAllah! Very endearing :) I was prepared, you know. With my Biology E-book on screen and my syllabus details in hand, all I need to do was to get that Powerpoint going.

Tetapi seperti biasa, kita buka Facebook dulu.

Then I saw one of my friends posted a video. It's a da'wah video, but they did it in such a fun way that it was interesting. I was hooked. So I started to open blogs, pages, and more da'wah links. I felt ashamed that I didn't realise there are a whole community of da'i out there trying to reach out to the teenagers, specifically. A teenager like me. And the worst part is (for me, really) that they are of the same age as me. They are born in the same year as I am, went to the same phase of school, and yet they already contributed to the society of Muslims. And I did nuthin'.

As I read Aisyah Shakirah's blog, I felt this burning feeling of envy. I envied this girl. I feel jealous towards her. Why is it, that at such a young age, (more importantly, the same age as I am) she had managed to achieve something so significant, by spreading her da'wah to the people around her? How many people had benefited from her writings and her vlogs? And what had I done, all this while?

I realised this. I knew that I didn't fulfil my duty as a caliph on this Earth. Forgive me, Allah.

Allah, please give me strength. I beg you.

Aiman Azlan

I just found his blog a moment ago. Erkk, it's quite late since he's all famous and everything, I know.

I know a good blogger when I actually had the patience of reading every line of his/her post. I like the way he arranged his sentences - simple with interesting analogies and direct to the point. His writing shows his maturity of expressing his opinions carefully, treading on the thin thread of the sensitivity of the people.

I like the way he admitted his weaknesses. That's a very hard thing to do for a person like me, that tried to maintain my image of a person that tried her best, reaching towards that point of perfection. Though I'm not a perfectionist, I will admit that I didn't like it when I made mistakes.

Nor I like it when I embarrassed myself in front of people. That's one of the reasons why I admire people that didn't care what others think about him/her. Because I do.

Sometimes I wish I don't care too much :(

Kemerepekan di Tengah-tengah Malam

Let's face it, I'm terrified of love. There, I said it. I used to pretend not to know it, I used to tell people that I don't care, and I used to try not to care. And yes, I'm speaking of love in terms of the kind that is between a boy and a girl. The one that made your heart flutter whenever you see his face, and your mood went from sulky to amazingly merry faster than you can say 'Hi'. The one that made you feel like the world is yours and it kept that smile on your face. You just can't stop smiling. 

But how strange is it when such a beautiful thing can crush you? No, I'm not heartbroken. Disappointed is more like it. I'm not sure whether what I did is correct, as in not telling him that I ...err. You know. Like him. Kinda. 

That's one of the reasons why I prefer not to like somebody too much. Because of this.

Thoughts About KMS

So anyone that wants to LOVE Islamic environment in their life, do join KMS. You shall not regret it.

And yes, I regret the fact that I used to regret coming here.

Learning Hangul!

For the last few days, Azeema and I had started a new fun, fun activity together, to strengthen our bond as sisters lulz. I registered for this amazing 'Learn Korean As Your Second Language! - It's Fun, Quick And Amazing - The Best One On The Net!' course and heck yeah, we spent hours in front of Mum's laptop watching the videos while exclaiming 'Butahamnida~!' or 'Tomato joseyoo~' now and then.

Hangul characters are surprisingly easy to remember, but the pronounciation are a bit difficult for us that are used to the usual alphabets. There are less consonants and vowels to remember, but the hard part is actually becoming fluent in reading the sentence. I truly felt like a little five-years-old that had just started to read, needing to spell out the letters first before fully grasping the word, THEN the sentence. Not to mention our 'high level of expertise' in Korean vocabulary that really helped.

I guess this is part of my plan to try to forget my disappointment for not taking the course that enables me to further my studies in Korea. Oh well~

Regret?

I'm feeling completely emotional right now about my choice of course. I'd taken the Tindikan Kimia course, at KMS and day by day, I'm starting to regret it. Why? Because I know where my heart lays. I remember when I was still in high school, free from all this blasphemy of making the all-so-important choice that will determine your future. All I wanted then was not to attend KMS (because my sister did, and I want to expand my horizon, broaden my view in life by attending other institute) and get a course that will enable me to further my study in South Korea. Why? Because I freaking love that country like mad. All those promotional images about how heavenly Korea is and how cool their customs and traditions are through their songs, drama and movies had really affected me like mad. Korea Tourism Board, you did something right there.

Here comes the all important moment that night when I wanted to select my course of choice to apply for MARA scholarship. One particular course had triggered my interest, and my heart felt like it was about to burst with happiness. I love this course. It was an Animation course, and yes, you will pursue your study at S.Korea. Amazing, really. I like everything about this course. So I jokingly (although I really was serious at that time) said to my mum, what if I take this course? She answered flatly, no. What's the point of spending five years of your high school life in science side if you ain't gonna take a science-related course? Ooh, what about medic? were what my mum said to me. Well, there's nothing that I dislike more than medic. It's not that I hate it, it's just that I have no interest whatsoever, not even a tiny bit of interest to take this course.

So in the end, I decided to choose Tindikan Kimia. If I succeed, I will further my study to Australia or New Zealand, which is on the opposite hemisphere from where I want to be. It hit me a few days ago that maybe I was an idiot listening to other people telling me what to do with my life. Is it?

Kolej MARA Seremban!

SLIP PENDAFTARAN PROGRAM IJAZAH LUAR NEGARA
	TAHNIAH!! PERMOHONAN ANDA BERJAYA
	Nama Nama	:	LIYANA AMIRA BINTI ASKAN
	No. Kad Pengenalan	:	94102213****
	Program	:	TINDIKAN KIMIA
	Institusi	:	KOLEJ MARA SEREMBAN (KMS)
	Tarikh Daftar	:	4 JULAI 2012 (RABU)
	Masa Daftar	:	8.30 AM
	Tempat	:	KOLEJ MARA SEREMBAN
		:	JALAN AMINUDDIN BAKI
		:	70100 SEREMBAN
		:	NEGERI SEMBILAN

Dun dun dun. So the result of my interview finally came out err.. last two days. And I did it! I did it baby! I got the place! I'm going to be in KMS! Pursuing my study overseas! Oh yeah! So one of the reasons I'm overly excited and happy for this is mainly because ...I have no other bloody plan than MARA. Which means, if I didn't get this scholarship, I'll be more lost than a tiny puppy stuck on a small island with nothing to shelter its head but one single coconut tree. I have no Plan B at all. Which, when I thought about it, is a very, very dangerous thing to do since that we're talking about our future here, stuff like that. But ALHAMDULILLAH, I got it. And that's far more important than thinking about the catastrophic situation I might be in if I was rejected. I can uncross my fingers now :)