Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Today I had a supervisor meeting with Peter. As usual he asked me questions such as,
"How are you coping with the lectures?"
"How's living in York for you?"
"Do you still like York?"
"You do? Really?"
He then gave me back my NMR exam paper, and I scored 12/15 which is equivalent to 80%. Perhaps because I didn't squeal in joy or something that he asked me why I am not happy with my mark.
"Well, a full score will be nice." I joked. I mean, I half-joked.
"Well that's a bit greedy. Your marks seems fine," he grinned.
For some reason I felt taken aback by his reply. I realised that I forgot to be thankful first for my marks before reflecting on how I should work harder next time.
"To get a better mark, you just have to work a bit harder. That's my advice."
For some reason, this sentence reminds me of my parents. I remembered how mom used to remind me to focus on my study every time I called her and the gentle way my dad usually gives me advices.
It felt stupid, because I suddenly started to tear up. Thankfully our meeting is over and I managed to control my feelings before I started to bawl all over in Peter's office. That would be absurd and embarrassing.
On my way home, I saw a Muslim family taking a walk. The parents were walking side by side while talking and laughing while their three boys were chasing each other while shouting with joy. The mother smiled and gave me salam quietly while I walked past her.
And that made me tear up again.
So I filled my head with sad songs en route home, missing my parents more and more. A boy walked past me and I scoffed at him while thinking how glad he must be to walk home where his parents will be there. Perhaps there will be his sisters and brothers. Maybe suddenly his grandparents are there too, visiting.
"Hey kid. You must be so happy," I yelled at him in my head, feeling more immature than ever.
When I arrived back at our house, I snapped back to reality as I realised that I am still surrounded by good people here. Sure, my parents and siblings are not here but I have my friends and I am sure that they are feeling the same thing. Breaking down is not going to change anything and I better make the most of this journey while I am here.
Dear mom and dad, I missed both of you so much. Stay strong and please be healthy always. Please continue to pray for us because I believe that it was because of your love that I managed to be here.
I'll call both of you tomorrow, inshaAllah.
