Study Mode [ On ]

Raya holiday is now over and I'm back at this place which I now call my second home. 

I still remember how excited I was on the plane back to Sarawak, while thinking about how I'm going to spend the two weeks holiday studying and finishing my homework. I already imagined myself in my room, revising my Chemistry while my parents looked from afar proudly and with tears in their eyes.

And when I arrived at KMS two days ago, I was dragging my luggage that contained my unfinished homework. So never count the chickens before they hatch.

One of the auras that I get at KMS is that it can turn a lazy person like me into a hardworking student that actually finished her homework early. 

aku perasan ada macbook

Study mode is now switched on!

I Miss Le Olde Days

I haven't touched my piano in a while now, that I can't believe that my fingers still remember the game. 

Well, there are a few mistakes and stumbles here and there, but what never changes is the joy I felt while playing it, as if I couldn't believe that lovely sound of music came from my own hands.

I'm just an amateur and I'm this happy, that I wonder how will I feel when I'm actually a pro one day.

Which might never happen. I suck at practising. 

Fever

I woke up with a headache, resulting in me cooping up in my room all day until now. And yes, the only time I went outside is to have lunch. Which is a forced lunch since I need to take some panadol, according to my mum. And I don't feel like eating anything, and I feel like vomiting, and I feel jealous that some of my friends get to join the convoy Raya attacking people's houses, and I can't, just because of this stupid fever, and.. no I don't have Bieber fever. Though my friends do. My friends as in Han, Bai, Nijak. Adz, I'm not sure. Adz suka siapa actually?

Ngeee ~

I had such an unproductive day.

Better get on with that Bio report now. Sigh.

Advice

"Ala, kau pun bukannya baik sangat pun, nak nasihat-nasihat orang pulak!"

In my opinion, yes. That person who gave that advice IS a good person. Why?

First, nobody is perfect. So it is impossible to wait for a perfect person to come and give you advice. Be thankful that someone not perfect actually took the initiative to give an advice to you, in order for you to become a better person.

Second, the advisor actually had the courage to do amar makruf nahi mungkar, which is not just the thing that anyone can do. I can't do it all the time (and hopefully I can improve myself about this). Thus, I really do admire people that can commit to it in their life.

Third, if we compare a bad person that gives good advice to others and another bad person that influences others to do bad things, definitely the latter one is better, no? Even the iblis gave advices to us, umat Rasulullah so why can't you accept a good advice from a person just because he is a thief? Or maybe once a thief?

“The best of people are those that bring most benefit to the rest of mankind.” 

(Daraqutni, Hasan) 

Jealousy

Today I decided to finally start with my Biology presentation, since it is not fun to do your homework assignment after Raya. There is a favourite spot at home where I usually did my works. It is at the very front part of my house, that used to be the verandah, but now had been walled in. The light is brilliant here, and the breeze is masyaAllah! Very endearing :) I was prepared, you know. With my Biology E-book on screen and my syllabus details in hand, all I need to do was to get that Powerpoint going.

Tetapi seperti biasa, kita buka Facebook dulu.

Then I saw one of my friends posted a video. It's a da'wah video, but they did it in such a fun way that it was interesting. I was hooked. So I started to open blogs, pages, and more da'wah links. I felt ashamed that I didn't realise there are a whole community of da'i out there trying to reach out to the teenagers, specifically. A teenager like me. And the worst part is (for me, really) that they are of the same age as me. They are born in the same year as I am, went to the same phase of school, and yet they already contributed to the society of Muslims. And I did nuthin'.

As I read Aisyah Shakirah's blog, I felt this burning feeling of envy. I envied this girl. I feel jealous towards her. Why is it, that at such a young age, (more importantly, the same age as I am) she had managed to achieve something so significant, by spreading her da'wah to the people around her? How many people had benefited from her writings and her vlogs? And what had I done, all this while?

I realised this. I knew that I didn't fulfil my duty as a caliph on this Earth. Forgive me, Allah.

Allah, please give me strength. I beg you.

Aiman Azlan

I just found his blog a moment ago. Erkk, it's quite late since he's all famous and everything, I know.

I know a good blogger when I actually had the patience of reading every line of his/her post. I like the way he arranged his sentences - simple with interesting analogies and direct to the point. His writing shows his maturity of expressing his opinions carefully, treading on the thin thread of the sensitivity of the people.

I like the way he admitted his weaknesses. That's a very hard thing to do for a person like me, that tried to maintain my image of a person that tried her best, reaching towards that point of perfection. Though I'm not a perfectionist, I will admit that I didn't like it when I made mistakes.

Nor I like it when I embarrassed myself in front of people. That's one of the reasons why I admire people that didn't care what others think about him/her. Because I do.

Sometimes I wish I don't care too much :(

Kemerepekan di Tengah-tengah Malam

Let's face it, I'm terrified of love. There, I said it. I used to pretend not to know it, I used to tell people that I don't care, and I used to try not to care. And yes, I'm speaking of love in terms of the kind that is between a boy and a girl. The one that made your heart flutter whenever you see his face, and your mood went from sulky to amazingly merry faster than you can say 'Hi'. The one that made you feel like the world is yours and it kept that smile on your face. You just can't stop smiling. 

But how strange is it when such a beautiful thing can crush you? No, I'm not heartbroken. Disappointed is more like it. I'm not sure whether what I did is correct, as in not telling him that I ...err. You know. Like him. Kinda. 

That's one of the reasons why I prefer not to like somebody too much. Because of this.