the end is near

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I can't believe that it had been more than a year since my last post. A lot had happened and I'm now in my third year of this undergrad journey. I'd submitted my fyp (final year project) report and am currently on Easter break. Alia and Namys are currently in London attending career fair and interviews whilst Raihan and I are stuck in York for now.

So yesterday we decided to take a walk around the Museum Garden while having some ice cream, and coincidentally we met three girls from Sheffield. We started talking to them and ended up taking them around York, showing them the cute Crumbs Cupcakery and the delicious milkshakes from Milkshack. The cool thing is they invited us to hang out with them in Sheffield and to show us the abundant foodddd that they have! Raihan and I might visit Sheffield next week insyaAllah!

My final exam is around next month and I can't believe that how fast time flies. It feels like yesterday I had just arrived in York and we were staying at that Kexby house. Now we are all third years worrying about our future, while living at Hull road next to our in-constant-drunkenness landlady Mrs. Kelly. I met a lot of amazing people in UK and gained a lot of beautiful experience here. The happiness, sadness, feeling of frustration, anger, joy; everything was mashed up into this whirlpool of adventure that I cherished and won't forget. I still have two months left to hold the title of a 'student', and I will most definitely miss it. But for now, I am excited to step into the next stage in life, the career life. 

York might not be the optimum city for a student to live in (bloody expensive, and halal food is a privilege), but I definitely love it. It is definitely beautiful and amazing, especially if the weather is sunny. The buildings are gorgeously vintage and the people are kind. I will definitely miss the bus system here, the grocery delivery and Poundland shop. My last winter here (for now) had been amazing, and I will miss the gorgeous winter attire. The coats, boots and scarves are sooo cute! 

It is not the end yet but I am already starting to say goodbye. I am still here but I am already missing this place. The next journey is exciting but terrifying, and I am ready to move on but the comfort of the current familiar routine beckons me to stay. All in all, life goes on and I guess there is no point in holding on to the shadow of memories when the adventure continues. 

first ramadhan in york

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm nervous. 

Tomorrow is our first day of Ramadhan, and I'm not going through it at the comfort of my home, but here in York. Raihan's flight back to Malaysia was yesterday and I envy her so much. It was unfortunate that Chemistry department still had lots going on till this week, and I'm going to have my end of the term supervisor meeting with Peter tomorrow. So Namys and I literally just can't go back yet. Poor Alia though. She's practically done, but her flight's on the same day as ours though hers is a bit earlier than our flights.

This will be the first time for me to fast for 17 hours. It was frightening to think about, but when isn't it something that the Muslims here in UK had been going through for their lifetime? They're admirable; those Muslims living in UK. Now I appreciate Malaysia even more gosh.

I haven't started packing yet although my flight is in five days time. Namys is practically done with hers, ages ago, and Alia had started to pack yesterday. And for some reason, going back home terrifies and excites me at the same. Will things still be the same? 

malaysian in york, uk

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It's been about seven months now that I had made this York city as my second home. My experience may not value as much as the older students or even the postgraduates but I just would like to share my experience living here in York for now.

I remembered how I first set my eyes upon this small city. It really is beautiful compared to other cities in England as it had preserved its old buildings. The people are friendly and will always lend a helping hand when you asked them. 

I stayed in a four-bedroom house, shared with my three other housemates. Three of them are my classmates back in KMS and another one is from INTECH whom we met through mutual friend. Particularly for my house, the rent is different according to rooms. The two smallest bedrooms are the cheapest, with GBP 350 per month. My bedroom is the second biggest and I paid GBP 380 per month while the largest bedroom in our house is the most expensive with GBP 410 per month. These only include the water bill and not the internet or gas bill. Basically our house is pretty expensive for students as you can get around GBP 280 - GBP 300 per month in York. Relative to other cities, York's house rent is a bit more expensive. 

But although our house is expensive, it is pretty close to the university. Walking to my Chemistry department took about 15 - 20 minutes walk while my housemates who took Biotechnology only needs about 5 minutes walk. There are students that cycle to the uni and I had always wanted to but never got the opportunity to buy one. 

For Chemistry, we will have a full lab day every Monday from 9 am to 4 pm. They are really strict about lab safety so you are not allowed to be in the lab without lab coat, googles and rubber gloves which are provided for the students for free. We are also given our own workspace (which are shared with another student who has their lab on another day) so the students does not have to share the apparatus and materials, unlike my KMS days. 

Lectures vary from term to term. I usually will have a free day on Tuesday, lectures for Wednesday and Thursday are from 9 am to 12 pm while Friday is our full lecture day as our lectures last from 10 am to 4 pm. The schedule changes every now and then as sometimes lectures are cancelled and such. Apart from that, Chemistry students are divided into colleges for tutorials for specific subjects are conducted. Usually there are about 20 to 25 students for every college and the name of my college is Woodward College. In every college, the students are further divided into tutorial groups, composed of 4 - 5 peoples which will have tutorials with a lecturer for almost every week for different subjects.

My tutorial group is pretty diverse as we have a student from Lithuania, another from Pakistan, and two other students are English, apart from me, a Malaysian. 

Lunch break is usually from 1 pm to 2 pm. Namys (my housemate and coursemate) and I usually will head to the prayer room where we will have our Zohor prayer and lunch. There are several prayer rooms provided in the university which made life easier for us as the biggest prayer room is two blocks away from Chemistry department. 

There is Malaysian Society for Malaysian students in the uni which provides opportunity for us to mingle with other Malaysians. Since our number is pretty small, we are a bit tight-knit community and know each other pretty well. 

I might write more on another topic about living in York next time!

immature

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today I had a supervisor meeting with Peter. As usual he asked me questions such as, 

"How are you coping with the lectures?" 

"How's living in York for you?" 

"Do you still like York?" 

"You do? Really?"

He then gave me back my NMR exam paper, and I scored 12/15 which is equivalent to 80%. Perhaps because I didn't squeal in joy or something that he asked me why I am not happy with my mark.

"Well, a full score will be nice." I joked. I mean, I half-joked.

"Well that's a bit greedy. Your marks seems fine," he grinned. 

For some reason I felt taken aback by his reply. I realised that I forgot to be thankful first for my marks before reflecting on how I should work harder next time.

"To get a better mark, you just have to work a bit harder. That's my advice."

For some reason, this sentence reminds me of my parents. I remembered how mom used to remind me to focus on my study every time I called her and the gentle way my dad usually gives me advices.

It felt stupid, because I suddenly started to tear up. Thankfully our meeting is over and I managed to control my feelings before I started to bawl all over in Peter's office. That would be absurd and embarrassing. 

On my way home, I saw a Muslim family taking a walk. The parents were walking side by side while talking and laughing while their three boys were chasing each other while shouting with joy. The mother smiled and gave me salam quietly while I walked past her.

And that made me tear up again. 

So I filled my head with sad songs en route home, missing my parents more and more. A boy walked past me and I scoffed at him while thinking how glad he must be to walk home where his parents will be there. Perhaps there will be his sisters and brothers. Maybe suddenly his grandparents are there too, visiting. 

"Hey kid. You must be so happy," I yelled at him in my head, feeling more immature than ever.

When I arrived back at our house, I snapped back to reality as I realised that I am still surrounded by good people here. Sure, my parents and siblings are not here but I have my friends and I am sure that they are feeling the same thing. Breaking down is not going to change anything and I better make the most of this journey while I am here.

Dear mom and dad, I missed both of you so much. Stay strong and please be healthy always. Please continue to pray for us because I believe that it was because of your love that I managed to be here.

I'll call both of you tomorrow, inshaAllah. 

the day we discussed darwin

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. 

Without realising it, it had been four months since I first landed on this island of England. Within four months, a lot had happened and a lot of things had changed. But if there's one thing that I am absolutely sure about is how blessed I am day to day. 

Today while having a break outside of the lab I (accidentally) heard a group of students discussing about faith in God. Taking interest, I quietly eavesdroop while pretending to skim through the procedure of the experiment for that day. 

Basically, what one of them were saying was that how he believes that God did not care about him at all. "To care means to have feelings just like a human being and if God actually cares, then why there are suffering and all?" One of the girls (who is my lab partner) rebutted that "if God did not care then what is the point of Him to create beings?" 

He just shrugged and concluded that "we will never know". 

Obviously their debate lasts much longer than three sentences but listening in to them made me realise of how much a person needs God in his life as guidance. I remembered when my housemates and I with our kakak usrah discuss the theory of evolution by Darwin. What saddens us is everything is how they view religion and science as separate things when Islam shines during the Dark Ages for the West with all the discoveries in science and technology. It is a great example of how science and religion go hand in hand and how religion can answer the ethical issues faced by the current scientists nowadays. 

I'm a bit scared of discussing this issue as I realised that I lack so much in terms of knowledge about this. But this made me realise of how desperately we need a prominent figure to represent the Muslims in the science field to refute not just the Darwin theory, but also to show that we can contribute to the development of science of mankind while still believing in one true God.

changes

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Do you know that moment when you were talking to someone that you met again after years and realised that the person had changed? It felt like talking to a whole new other individual, someone that you barely knew. This made you proceed with caution for it felt truly unfamiliar.

I realised that today many things had changed, and it was not only the person I was talking with. I - with a certain degree - had changed as well. Which I hope is in a good way. Suddenly we ran out of topics to talk about because we haven't met in a while. We met completely different groups of people and experienced completely different things. And we couldn't explain that to each other. 

He told me that he planned to get engaged. 

"Kalau boleh nak cepat-cepat. Sebab aku takut dengan zina hati. Aku pun tak tau macam mana nak buat ni hmmm."

His words felt like a slap for I haven't heard that phrase in a while now. "Zina hati". The phrase that kept being reminded to us back in my KMS days. The sneakiest of all zina for we couldn't completely control it but it doesn't mean that there's nothing that we can do about it.

Today I prayed for my friend. I prayed that if that girl is the best for him, then may Allah ease everything for both of them and protect them from fitnah. 

People say that you should pray to be a better person in order to get a good spouse as early as possible. But then had we ever prayed that we will become a better child to our parents? For our current responsibility is towards them and not towards the currently non-existent spouse. 

May Allah guide our frail hearts in this temporary world. Amin.

stepping on

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today, with the release of the IB result, marked the end of an important phase in my life. A phase I did not even want to be a part of initially, but of course Allah knows better. Alhamdulillah. 

Without my mum, I would not even be here today. She's the one who encouraged me to take up the challenge of IB programme in the first place though I did not want to. Since my older sister is an alumni of the programme, the first advice that she gave me was that 'do not take IB'. 

But Allah knows better. 

I had always wanted to study in UK. Perhaps it was due to my obsession with Harry Potter or something, but UK had always fascinated me. Not to mention they have the coolest English accent ever. But knowing that I have to take up medic to study in UK discouraged me in the first place. And I finally settled with having New Zealand as my country of choice though I was not as excited and eager. 

But Allah knows better. 

I went to KMS for one sole purpose only, because of my parents. Because they wanted me to. I remembered how I was angry and mad at them. I wasn't happy at all with this choice, since teaching isn't exactly what I like to do. I remembered thinking that my life is ruined the day I registered. 

But Allah knows better.

And now, I can happily say that I'm an IB survivor and that I am glad that I'm one of them. I'm completely satisfied and happy with my result though it may be not as good. But I did it! I freaking did it! I'm not entirely sure of my feelings right now, as it was a bit happy and sad mixed in a big bowl of confusing stuff. But if there's one thing I'm sure of, it is that I'm ready for this next step. 

Bring it on, York University :)